Thursday, January 20, 2011

honorable mention...

There was the lady that picked us up from our Cadillac and drove us to the bus stop, the same distance we walked back in the quiet darkness tonight - she promised if my wife didn't call to get a ride when we came back she wouldn't be her friend anymore. One hopes for more forgiveness, we don't like to bother folks. There was a great blond at the check-in desk (no, I am way too old to think beyond her smile) but when I left my boarding pass and we had seats far from each other on a fully loaded aircraft she fixed it. She caught me at Starbucks and told me to come back for my boarding pass and she was at the gate looking for the dottering old couple with new boarding passes and adjacent seating. She is a better person than she is paid to be, I do love professional competence and smiles. The rental car shuttle bus driver, welcoming and chatting. The road map that got us as a team to the motel - the terrible highway planning around Winston-Salem that looked so much better from my motorcycle last July. My sister's constant steady guiding my driving to the correct place. I was always willing to make a mistake and drive around a little longer - I did think I behaved well. The sister team that took all the load off of the visiting brothers, one is the executor and the other was attending and helping our mother over the time she was in the nursing home there. One of her student's has a father in the funeral business and got the right pricing and paperwork and met all my mother's desires for her funeral and memorial service. Tough job, but another competent caring professional. My niece mentioned her dislike of public speaking and I described how to approach it - like you care, want to light a fire in the audience and make sure they remember what you said... I am full of advice, don't always take it but sure love to dish it out. Long talks with all the cousins, their wives and my siblings and in-laws, the reason the picture is so artistic - well, it was that fast all the times we were together sharing our lives with my mother and our memories...The girl that cried like a baby at my wedding asked me a serious question about how to raise her son, they are getting to the point of contention - he wants his way and she is wanting a better relationship - she sees too much of herself developing in him. So I had to quit making bad jokes and get serious, because I would be telling the boy to escape and get out there and make a fool of himself and come back for forgiveness and a hug when he figures it out. So I waxed eloquent about why he needed to gain more control and build his world bigger and it would always be in confrontation with his parents as they had rules and limits (for his own good, safety and future) the fathers handle it better in some ways, but the mothers think it has to do with a lack of love from their son and it is never that. In some ways they want to increase their power and protect their mothers, but if they are always treated like a child they don't feel they can. I have full confidence in her and her husband being able to weather and be proud of their handling of the amazing young men they will have raised up... but then I liked how many of that next generation have turned out, I got to listen and then sat down at their table to hear another niece talk about her work in the library, the people there and her enjoyment of the silliness sometimes of management, her pride in the Director and such. That niece was brighter and bolder than she had been when much younger and caged up in her home. Her husband was sharing common interests and such with one of my nephews - I am certain that I don't have to worry about if any of them will do well as adults - they have all the right stuff. My cousins and I shared too many military stories and times, but did cover my mother and father and theirs well. I did apologize for leaving their wives out of the conversation, but I do know Joan is aware of our short comings - my wife will always be my better half -- unless you need the Darkside. My bad jokes to cover my irritation with my brother-in-law caused me to be almost backed down and out the door when I stopped by before the service. I was told that I had gone too far and he didn't have to take it and such. Great standing up against me, proud of you for your control of your home and your life and your pride. We are way too old, and my mother wouldn't be proud of me doing anymore than saying I wouldn't joke about him anymore. I did get to read two of my mother's poems, checked with my sister about which she thought were the right ones in the right order. She picked the same ones as I had. So I got up, briefly explained about me and my mother's poetry (and I couldn't tell you what I said - it was correct and meaningful) then I read the poems, and they fit my mother and her meaning in our lives. Service over, out the door to shake the hands, hug the crying grand daughter, and respond kindly to their kindness. More talking and eating, more memories remembered and no way all we mean to each other and her will get to my grandson in Hawaii - he is too young and too far away. But I see many good things of my parents in my son as he raises his son with his beautiful wife. Birthday breakfast today (SURPRISE!!!), for the niece that cried at my wedding, with the three boys to make better than their great uncle (that is such a cool title). Then down the road and fly away, far from family and sharing, much warmed and consoled by the time together and the promise of those grandchildren and great grandchildren making my parents so proud.

3 comments:

Old NFO said...

Sounds like a grand send off for an outstanding Lady Earl. Thanks for sharing with us.

threecollie said...

Family is beautiful at the best and worst of times and you tell it so well.

Ellen said...

Beautiful. As I can totally relate after saying good bye to my big brother this week. I know he is in a much better place and that he is in my heart forever. What alegacy those two wonderful people have left us. God Bless.

MomFallacy