Quality time, with my wife and she wants to go to the YMCA and soak up heat, and I want to go shoot my pistols. So we do a little of both. She snaps some pictures of me shooting and this one catches my eye - since I never see this side. One never really knows how the world sees one, looking in a mirror helps get the hair straight and eye brows swept up but it is backwards from what you really are. So pictures have to cover the real you - and you do keep throwing away those that don't make you look good, tough, resourceful and brave (or at least I do). Some will worry about sexy - but that is so young in thought and foolish I am above that now, so above worried about looking sexy. But I do still look.I, of course, am looking at how fat I am, hoping I still fit my pants and the spare tire isn't bulging too much (suck that stomach in, way in!). I was going to the Y so I will get a workout in, twenty-five minutes and nine seconds to row 5K, and thirty minutes on a step-strider for real sweat. I shot my KelTec PF-9, thirteen bullets, last seven all in the black. I also fire my favorite Colt Mark IV, Series 70, Government Model, .45 cal -- the last twenty only missed the black seven times, must have been rushing. It makes me happiest that all the bullets hurt the target aimed for, and although I couldn't charm my wife into shooting more than pictures I was very happy that she liked how well I perforated the paper and wants me to invite one of her ministers to come shooting one Saturday - I am all for that.
It is very difficult to be really objective about one's self and images. One of the reasons we test ourselves so often as we learn skills or achieve new levels of proficiency - we want to see how we are doing against the others in the race - The HUMAN Race, of course. I heard so many times yesterday that we were in the best country in the world, and although I know it is my country I have been in others and don't find this one the best at everything - there are some really great ideas that our country should consider. That goes back to my point about not seeing some sides of me - beyond my back, just in how I am in a social situation, how my critical comments will be received by people with other agendas, how I look to those afraid of weapons in my home, hands and head, how I look to those that knew me way back when -- that is a side I will never see. Everything about me I see through my mind's eye first; colored by trauma, emotion, desires, fears and dreams. I will never see your real "Earl" (me), I just hope I am better than either of us have noticed and remarked on in my life.
2 comments:
For what it's worth, I see you as a highly principled and moral man.
We all wear different faces for different situations. And we see ourselves through a far more critical mirror than others view us.
Glad you and the wife had fun at the range - all I have to do is step outside, and my skills show that needs to happen far more. My favorite shootin' irons are a Kimber Eclipse and a 686 dash nothing - firing pin on the hammer.
Good shooting Earl, and a good perspective also! We are, I believe, always mirror images of what WE think we are, not what others perceive... Of course reality keeps intruding, I'm NOT 21 anymore, and yeah, the paunch is getting out there, but in my mind I'm still the kid I once was- Don't know why I can't see that damn 200 yard target anymore :-)
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